JACS Library - Our Stories

JACS: Jewish Alcoholics, Chemically Dependent Persons, and Significant Others

JACS LIBRARY - OUR STORIES

My Story
by Eric K.

Hello my name is Eric and I am an alcoholic and addict. I say that today and that is only because of JACS. I believe that I was born that way and it just took me eight years to act on it. I never felt right or whole. I always thought that I lacked what others had and I wanted it. These feelings found me in the office of a doctor who prescribed me Ritalin. I quickly discovered that the Ritalin filled that hole in me if I took ‹a few to manyŠ, and I quickly burned through prescriptions. The doctor noticed this and switched me to Dexedrine. The Dexedrine did not work quite as well but got the job done. At around ten I discovered my true love in the bottle of Jack Daniels pre-made iced tea. The fist sip made me feel sick and made my head spin for hours and I loved it.

By the age of eleven I was drinking almost everyday whenever and whatever I could get my hands on. I had already crossed the line. Once the combination of Dexedrine and vodka stopped working I needed more. At this point in my story my life took a devastating fall into illegal drugs. I started smoking pot in the beginning of 9^th grade on a daily basis. I needed something in my system that could get me out of myself at every waking hour. My grades had slipped and my life had turned into a living hell. I had to deal drugs just to survive and this eventually caught up with me in school. Upon suspicion that I was up to no good I had to leave the school I was in for 10 years, leave all my friends behind and try something different. At first I tried consulting with an addiction specialist but to no avail.

I felt I needed something more. I went off to the Holy Land (Israel) with the hope of maybe staying there to finish up my schooling. I was in a supervised summer program and doing wonderfully. I had been clean for 3 week longer than I ever had been. When free weekends came around I slipped back into my old ways. I thought that one drink can't kill me. I had been doing so well till now. What a big mistake because I know it is the first drink that gets you drunk. I used alcohol and cocaine and blacked-out. I came out in a rain gutter in Tel Aviv nowhere near where I was staying. I knew then I had a problem and it was time to come home.

Once home I was faced with the problem of where to turn. I went up and down the Eastern Sea Board looking for a place to go to school, blowing off most of my interviews because I was too drunk to care. I finally found a place to go but there were strings attached. I would have to go to rehab and get drug-tested everyday. And out of shear desperation I said I could do it and again swore that I would never touch drugs again. After a rocky start I actually stopped drinking and drugging but it was not easy at all. I was the most bitter unhappy dry drunk the world will ever know and I knew it was not going to last.

I had this great idea that I wanted to die and the way I was going to do it was the way I know best: overdose. After spending days getting the drug I wanted to use (heroin) and the right ‹toolsŠ, I was set to go. But there was one problem. There was going to be a program in school and I could not get out of it. This program as it happened to be was a JACS drug education program. After the speaker shared about his story he asked if there were any questions. No one raised their hands. Arnie, the speaker, said, "how about you over there with the big black yarmulke what experience with drugs and drinking do you have?". I was speechless. Not because I could not find the words to say but because I was crying too hard to get them out. He had me pegged and I broke down and said I have been struggling to get and stay clean for years now and nothing I tried would work. I don‰t remember what happened from then but I found myself in my first AA meeting that night. I know I could not kill myself then because I told Arnie that I would meet him the next day at a meeting so I flushed my death down the toilet. Since September 15, 1998 I have been clean and sober.

Today my life is incredible. By simply making coffee I have been able to do the most incredible things. Today instead of being the kid being called on I am the one who gets to get up there and tell my story and reach out to the guy in the back of the room who needs help. I have had the honor of keynoting at a JACS retreat (they are wonderful) and even starting my own organization to help teens in Long Island NY. There are simply too many great things that I have in life today to list them all but the most important is I have Me back and I like who I have become. I may never have known where I might have ended up had JACS not been put into my life but I am sure it would not be here writing to you today. At the age of 17 I have a whole life ahead of me and for that I am greatly indebted to the fellowship of AA and JACS for helping me find them.

Eric K

My Storyby Eric K.

My Story
by Eric K.