I had 90 days of recovery. Then I had a stressful event and had a short relapse. Now I have almost 30 days again. I would like to hear of others' strategies to prevent relapse.

Also, my life is full of kids, work, etc. and it is sometimes hard to get to meetings. How do you get motivated to attend meetings? I know this is a dumb question, but sometimes I would rather stay at home snuggled up with my kids, than go out in the rain or cold to a meeting. More: - kids, than go out in the rain or cold to a meeting.

I was just thinking about requesting some discussion on relapse myself when I saw Moira's subject title. Thanks for asking for what I was having trouble asking for.

Last night my 21 year old son called me from across the country to tell me that he relapsed after 5 mos. He's in NA and I encouraged him to call his sponsor. I was "healthy" on the phone - but now I feel sick inside.

I need to hear about this from the group - Has anybody out there relapsed and has been able to go right back into recovery? How do family members deal with this?

I need some experience, strength, and hope. I was already scheduled to go there for Thanksgiving. I need meetings in the P-- area - for me.

Thanks for listening.

PS I attend Al-Anon where I live.

You are doing one relapse strategy in that you are writing us. Keep talking with anyone who will listen.

Don't drink, go to meetings, read the Big Book, cry, scream, write, pray....find and use a sponsor.

Hold yourself and HP close. Continue to take care of you.

Don't isolate. Go to meetings, call friends, sponsor, email friends, read, write, pray. Now, I know all those things, but when I was in relapse, I didn't want to do them.

What brought me back was an online friend in recovery who called me on the phone told me how important it was to her to write her "telling" as she calls it every day. We happen to use the Recovery forum on CompuServe for this, but it doesn't matter where.

I'm starting to use this list too. But it's not enough. I need face to face and voice to voice contacts too. But it helps. One of the things this person told me was that she really missed my messages. I was important to her. You're important to us! I know really know you, but I know your messages are important to me.

When I was in relapse the one thing I never stopped doing was going to meetings. I am so grateful to the people in those rooms who never questioned my right to be there, never did anything but love me no matter what. I knew that if I stopped going to meetings, all would be lost.

Keep coming back!

b'shalom,

The best advice I received (and practiced) on preventing relapse is, "Don't start over; start different." Only you can figure out what needs to be different. Sometimes it means dropping some activities so you have more time for meetings, prayer and meditation.

Also, "Think the drink (or whatever) through." Do you really want to be back where you started? I don't. I wasted many years reacting to other people, places and things, instead of responding to them. places and things, instead of responding to them.

Hope this is helpful.

Well, you already identified one source of relapse: "stressful events". Our triggers are highly individual, since we experience stress in our own individual ways, so I cannot make your trigger list for you. But after a LONG time, I have learned that what makes me BOIL is what I have to fear will lead me back to a drink!

...How do you get motivated to attend meetings?

That's the EASY part! You ask yourself TWO questions:

1: Do you want to drink again?

2: Do you want to DIE?

It is that simple! Every other "excuse" is just that, an excuse, and not a REASON.

..., but sometimes I would rather stay at home snuggled up with my kids, than go out in the rain or cold to a meeting.

That would be a luxury, if by staying home you go back, because we all know that the bottle can lead us to insanity, prison and death.

Good luck
Shalom

The easiest thing to say is get back to basics. Meetings, sponsor, phone, service. Changing people, places, and things. The time we need meetings most is when we least want to go. There are hundreds of things I would rather do, at times, than make a meeting, but I've learned there are consequences.

When we detach from our support systems, picking up is an easier compromise. Nothing, absolutely nothing, should come before me and my recovery. It took me 20 years and better to lose my obsession to use and gain freedom from active addiction. Nothing is worth losing that.

I remember all too well what it was like. No freakin' way I want to return. So I keep it simple and make a meeting. Especially when I don't want to. This, of course, is all before the fact.

As a recovering addict my heart is in the rooms. As a clinician it's not quite that simple.

There is much to gain insight into for those that relapse. Many issues to address.

I am aware how easy it is to rekindle the obsession to use, both personally and professionally. Time and distance with intense therapeutics is probably best. Some, depending on the extent of relapse, might need more time than others. Rehab is preferable and detox might be called for. There are no exact answers.

Nobody picks up without reason. There is always an internal motivation. Usually an inability to cope and deal with lifes pressures in a healthy way. These skills need to be relearned, or maybe learned for the first time. Once learned it becomes a lifetime practice. I'm still trying to get it right. But hey, progress not perfection. Right!

"Freedoms just another word for nothing left to lose"
"Freedoms just another word for nothing left to lose"
K. Kristofferson

Peace,

Even though I wasn't the one who asked the original question, thanks so much for your response about preventing relapse. Your answer of, "Don't start over; start different" really helps me.

I often have such huge shame about "not being further along" in my recovery that it has been difficult for me to look at slips as anything other than my own abject failure and a return to square one. To me, "starting different" has such an air of self-love and forgiveness while still maintaining a commitment to actively working my program.

Hi, its me again.......

I was just thinking about all the times during this almost 19 months of sobriety, when things got really tough & I wanted to drink. My old sponsor would say to me:

"Ok, so you want a drink. What is going to change after you have the drink? Will it really change anything? Will it change how angry you are? Will it change how upset at --------- you are? Will it make things better? Different? How?"

And you know what? The only thing I could Ever come up with was, " The only thing that will change, will be the fact I drank over this, and now I wish I hadn't....nothing else will have changed! The problem I 'drank over' will not have gone away. It will still be there to solve.

Or the feelings will still be there: anger, rage, pity, lonesome, guilty, or whatever. And the other thing that will change will be my feelings toward myself-I will be ashamed of myself. I will feel badly about myself. I will hate myself for letting myself down.

Plenty of reasons why I have not taken a drink-so far. I can look at myself in the mirror & know that I have withstood temptation..... For that I am proud. For that, I can look at myself, my husband, my adult kids, my family and hold my head up. I have kept faith with Myself. So far. So far I have not had to drink. One day, one moment, sometimes one second at a time.

Thank you G-d. And Jacs!

Love,

I spent 2 1/2 weeks in treatment in order to get sober, and we discussed relapse. I learned some good practices.

I used to keep a picture of my son in my billfold with a ten dollar bill paper clipped to it. I made a vow to myself that if I were to 'slip' I would use that bill to purchase my alcohol.

A *slip* in my case I call RELAPSE as I'm unsure if I'll ever get back to the loving, honest rooms of AA (and these virtual rooms of hope like JACS:) I don't stay sober for my son or family - I stay sober for ME - but the dollar bill paper clipped to his picture sure 'coidn't hurt' (said with Yiddish accent).

Also, if I ever feel like slipping, I vow to myself to call another alcoholic BEFORE I take a drink; it doesn't do any good after - it's the FIRST drink that destroys us. Remember, SLIP = Sobriety Loses Its Priority.

I guess I'm weird... I love going to meetings. Sure, sometimes a nap is inviting, and Heaven forbid I miss a Cowboy football game (said with sarcasm) - I know I *belong* in "Rooms Where Miracles Happen". I "suit up and show up" and I'm 'willing to go to any length.' Alcoholism kills - plain and simple.

I love all of you, and pray for *our* continued grace through sobriety.

B'shalom,

I have been in lurk mode on this list for a number of weeks for a number of reasons. What we have in common in that we are Jewish, what we do not have in common is that the 12 step approach is not compatible with my core belief system. AA just does not fit with who I am.

However, as an addiction counselor (in training), I highly recommend AA but also suggest other recovery alternatives to those who find that the 12 step approach is not for them. As a counselor and as a human being, I believe that keeping an open mind is of the utmost importance. What works for me, will not work for everyone else. The recovery process is one road; with many ways to travel it.

Thanks for the story of the Turkey Prince. It reminds me of story told by a psychology professor of mine.

A man in a mental institution believed he was Jesus Christ. The staff tried to convince him that he was not- to no avail, the man stood firm in his conviction. His "therapy" was at a standstill. One very creative psychiatrist decided that rather than change the man's reality, he would work with him in that reality. The doctor told that man that if he was indeed Jesus Christ then he must be a very good carpenter and there was plenty of carpentry work to be done at the hospital. The man readily agreed and was given numerous tasks to do. Eventually he tired of the work and came to the conclusion, on his own, that he was not really Jesus Christ.

The important point in both these stories is that if we want to him people, rather than convert them to our reality, we need to suspend our disbelief and work with them in their reality.

Regarding relapse prevention, IMO, the most important point is too not feel guilty and become full of self loathing. Look at relapse as a positive lesson. Okay I screwed up, it's unfortunate but not the end of the world. Maybe I need to re-evaluate my thinking and my coping mechanisms.

Stress is a factor in relapse, so when stressful situations arise, it is important to have in place alternative means to cope with that stress. Recovery requires not only abstinence (in the case of drugs and alcohol) but also lifestyle changes.

Drinking use to take up a significant part of my nights and when I first stopped I really did not know what to do with that time. The book "Living Sober" provided me with numerous suggestions and I can honestly say that today, I just don't have the time to drink.

I prefer a useful life where I can contribute, rather than a useless one. I have found that educating myself has had a profound effect on changing my thinking. An excellent book on relapse is Relapse Prevention by Terence Gorski.

I hope everyone is well.